Remembering Dawn Black on her birthday

Almost 12 weeks ago, one of the best people I’ve ever known, Dawn Black, went to heaven suddenly at the age of 39. Today would have been her 40^th birthday. I've been thinking a lot about her influence in my life the last few weeks as I've talked with multiple family members and friends, and gone through pictures, notes and memories from the last 16 years (recently I mentioned that I’d known her half my life, and it had been a pretty good half life, to which she responded, “What are you-a radioactive isotope??”). As I've thought, the song "O Love that Will Not Let Me Go" came across my mind. Partly because it was the last offertory Dawn played in church, the Sunday before she died on Tuesday. I remember because we played string prelude that night, so after she practiced her solo, I went up to the stage to prepare to play along with her, and we talked about how I love this hymn and it is not used often enough. And the more I've meditated on it, I've realized that the first verse especially is how Dawn lived her life.

O Love that wilt not let me go,

I rest my weary soul in thee;

I give thee back the life I owe,

That in thine ocean depths its flow

May richer, fuller be.

Dawn was one of my favorite people in the world. She started as my choir and violin teacher, but quickly became one of my dearest friends. When I first met her, I was sixteen, and a sophomore in high school. She came to interview at our school and I got out of class to practice the songs she would be conducting. The only thing I remember from that was when she told the choir “Pretend you're really old, like 35!” In retrospect, that was a pretty good indication of what she was like. When I was a junior, she came as our new music teacher, and I have to be honest and say I wasn’t happy she was here, so I avoided her. It has nothing to do with her and everything to do with the fact that she wasn't Mr. Miller our previous director whom I loved and still do. Typical teenage behavior right? Not sure how long it took me to get my head on straight, but for sure by Thanksgiving I knew better. 

It's not an exaggeration for me to say that knowing Dawn changed my life. Almost everything I do (I'm a teacher and a musician) has been influenced by her. Many knew and loved her-I'm definitely not the only one with special memories, but I'd like to tell you a little about Dawn, how God used her in my life, and share a small sample of some special memories.

Dawn was talented. Extremely talented. I accompanied for her voice lessons, and I especially enjoyed the few times she'd drop whatever opera music she was practicing in front of me at the piano in between lessons and I'd get to play for her to sing. Wow. Chris Anderson's article was right-her voice was AMAZING, but the humility with which she served and used it has always been an example to me. In fact, I can hear her voice saying "You don't need me" about something or another, which of course I disagreed with, but her point sticks with me. I never heard her bragging on herself or her talent, or talking about the things she’d done, even though she had every reason to do so. In fact, recently, she said this in an email to me “I sang a solo in Rutter’s Requiem when I was in Chorale. Those were the days. Now I might only be fit to turn pages.” (this apparently was the solo mentioned by Chris Anderson in his beautiful blog post-"Dawn Black Rests") I also remember going to her voice lesson once. She told me beforehand that it wasn’t going to be very good because she was sick. She then proceeded to hit an E 2 octaves above middle C in warmups. I’ve always said I want to be sick like that someday. Hasn’t happened yet =P Also, I'd been taking violin for a VERY short time and we had this conversation: 

"You're going to get better than me, and then I won't be able to teach you anything."

"When's that going to happen?"

"Next week!"

That never happened, but the point is, she used her talents to serve and glorify God, not bring attention to herself.

She was always committed to excellence in music. Whether playing the violin, singing, directing the church or school choir, or even playing violin with a mountain dulcimer group, it was important to do the absolute best possible. She didn’t expect something we couldn't do, but she definitely expected our best effort, and she had a way of bringing that out in her students. As I watched her across the room in choir practice and warm-ups, not once did I see her slacking off or giving half effort-she was always using proper technique and singing to the best of her ability. In our dulcimer group, she worked kindly and humbly to help the group become the best they could possibly be.

AACS National Competition Spring April 2000. It was just the two of us that year.

Excellence wasn’t the only thing though. I learned from her example to have fun in music, and life in general. Like when I asked her how hard a piece was that she had chosen for me to play: “Oh, it's easy. Just 17 flats in the key signature, mixed compound duple triple meter, spiccato bowing, and goes to 17th position. “ Or when I texted her asking about songs on the christmas program and she replied "Yeah, our theme is Christmas Bits and Pieces, so we'll do a couple fun ones even though I'm vehemently against fun." Riiight…… Or the songs like "Take Me Out to the Ballgame", "Count on it" and more. She loved playing in dulcimer group. I can picture the smile on her face as she played the fast part of a fiddle tune with the group. We had so much fun (maybe too much =P) at those rehearsals and performances.

Our choir my senior year. I'm pretty impressed with the facial expressions she got out of us. 

Dawn was one of my major inspirations for teaching, and in my first teaching job, most likely the only reason I survived. I didn’t study education as an undergrad, so when I started as a music teacher, EVERYTHING I did from the mechanics of teaching music to classroom management techniques were things I picked up from watching her as her teacher’s aide. I taught music for 6 years and used many of her ideas and even phrases and mannerisms-they worked =) Mostly though, it was her care and love for her students whether they loved her back or not that has motivated me to attempt to show that same love for the students I come in contact with. Also, being a fellow "non-outgoing" person, I watched and learned little ways to get to know people and show love without being loud and flashy.

Two of my favorite teachers ever. Dawn on my right, and Kristen Drinnon on my left. June 2006 at my sister's wedding.

I learned so much from her that wasn’t “book learning”.

• Make mistakes with confidence. When you’re performing, play like you mean it, and most people will never know the difference. If you look and act self conscious though, any mistakes will stand out.
• As I saw someone posting on FB, she had a way of getting people to do something they wouldn't on their own. Such an accurate description! So many things she'd drag me into doing that I ended up loving. Never something too hard, and never something I hated, but something I probably wouldn’t have thought of or attempted on my own.

Staff Christmas party, December 2000. Dawn's mom says we both look like kids here. I had been taking lessons since September of that year. She could have done an incredible job without me, but let me get involved and gain valuable experience.

• She was always learning and trying new things. Voice, piano, and harp lessons, learning to make quilts, new art techniques, etc.
• There’s always a way to serve. Painting backdrops, church music, VBS music, even painting faces during VBS-there’s always something she was doing to serve others and the church. She also found opportunities for others to serve and encouraged them to do it. 
• I learned about hospitality from her. I will miss the periodic texts or calls asking me to come over. It was never a complicated event, but she opened her home and spent her time to fellowship and encourage me.
• Dawn was very competitive (but not unkind in her competitiveness). Recently she told me I needed to come over. After I agreed, she said her kids had been whipping her in games. So basically, she wanted someone to come over that she could beat. In the same vein, in high school, a group of us were at her place for a sleepover and we were playing Phase 10. She was losing, and decided it was time for bed. We got up in the morning, resumed the game, and she beat us all. One of my favorites of the texts I have saved was this one from last fall (when her mom was in town): “You are invited to a black-brown [Braun] party Sat. evening. You will eat and then lose at games.”

If you knew Dawn, you knew she was funny. Hilarious, really, though sometimes quietly hilarious. So many of the goofy things she said weren't premeditated, and if you weren't listening closely, you'd miss it since she didn’t usually stop to laugh at her own jokes. Life with Dawn was full of moments when she would say something crazy and I’d have to fight to keep a straight face because I was supposed to be paying attention to whatever else was going on. It was so much fun to be around her just waiting for whatever goofy thing she would say or do next.

One of those moments where I was supposed to be paying attention and she was probably saying something crazy.

• She was constantly making faces at me, and others. Often before an individual or group fine arts performance, she would crack some sort of crazy face to break the tension and help us relax. She also would make faces across the room, from the congregation to the choir loft, from the choir loft to the congregation, or as we passed each other in our vehicles dropping off kids in the school parking lot. This is one of the little things I really miss.

This is one of my favorite pictures of Dawn. I didn't take it (she gave it to me), and have no clue who did. If anyone out there recognizes it, I would love to hear the story!

• One day she was late to school because the cows next door got out, and being the good Wisconsin farm girl she was, she took the time to put them back. She told me the story, and mooed at me every time she saw me for weeks after that.
• This email was sent while I was in college (obviously, before she and Brian were dating =P ) : "I am now in the church's all-male play. Mr. Beck can't find any eligible males and neither can I." 
• Once I was practicing in the church auditorium early in the morning, with most of the room dark. (my dad worked before care) As I was in the middle of a run up the piano, she slipped through the door directly behind me on the stage, and screamed at the top of her lungs. This started a tradition of scaring each other in the back hallway-current BBCS students and staff, let me know if you need some ideas for this. Ha.
• Over the past year, while I was job searching, she kept giving me ideas for jobs to keep me here at BBC. We went back and forth for a while. She told me I could work as a sub, and when I told her I couldn't live and pay bills on that, I got this string of messages:

         "sell paper airplanes"        

         "teach cello lessons"

         "walk dogs"

         "take leaves"

         "rake, not take, you leaf thief"

• Her kids love to tell jokes, and recently she'd begun answering Gabe's "Knock Knock...." with "Who dat??"
• In 10th grade I misspelled the word potatoes at the state spelling bee. She wasn't there, but I told her about it in following years. That particular word and spelling in general became a running joke. For years she would misspell words on purpose just to be funny.
• She was not a fan of vegetables. At the Jr./Sr. one year, Pastor Mike asked "Did you eat all your veggies, Dawn?" (she hadn't eaten any, I'm pretty sure) She replied, "No, I saved them all for you!"

This picture was taken at that Jr. Sr. banquet. This would have been spring of 2000. 

• At a youth activity outside, she was in an extra goofy mood, and we were talking about mosquitoes. She said the reason she didn't get bit was because she eats a lot of garlic. Mrs. Rossiter said, "Really??" and she said "Yeah, haven't you ever heard of garlic deodorant?" When Mrs. Rossiter said no, Dawn said "neither have I."
• She ended an email with:

          "Say hi to Dr. Gilliam.

          Hi to Mrs. Dunbar

          Hi to Dr. Cook

          Hi to Ruth

          Hi to Sally

          Hi to Mildred

          Hi to Gertrude

          Don't be rude ha ha

          -DB

         (only the first 3 on the list are real people =P) 

• For months she'd been asking me to let her turn pages for an offertory (it was her dream to do this, apparently). I kept telling her "No, you'll make me laugh" and she always replied "Yeah, I will". So, in February, I was scheduled for an offertory and finally decided to let her turn pages. I picked one I could not possibly do without a page turner, and I spent hours practicing it. I remember vividly the conversation when I asked her to do it-we were talking across the aisles of the auditorium. I asked her if she could, and she said, "Sure, when?" I said, "Next Sunday morning" and she said "nope!" I said "Whaaaatttt??!?!?" She said she couldn't do Sunday morning. Too scary/hard. I looked at her and said, "You can do this!!! You made me do hard things in high school like playing in orchestra after 3 weeks of lessons." She looked furtively back and forth, then looked at me and whispered "I must have been high!"

As musically and artistically talented as she was, I think Dawn was best at being a friend and loving people. Most of all she loved Brian and the kids. I remember when she and Brian started dating-so much fun to watch. She used to holler across the auditorium or over the intercom: “I love you Mr. Black!” It wasn’t just words though. Especially in recent months I saw her love and concern for her husband as she supported and prayed for him through nursing school. She loved her kids-anyone who saw her with them knew this.

She always gave wise and biblical counsel. She was not afraid to tell me if I was thinking or doing wrong, and she was always ready to encourage me biblically. On the other hand, she did not respond quickly and offer worn out platitudes-she took time to think and responded with thoughtful biblical advice. Because of this, I almost always took the advice she gave-I knew my issue had been thought through and responded to from a biblical perspective. I was a very shy, timid person before I met her. Still am in many ways, but she pointed out some things in this area I needed to change. Also, her love for me gave me confidence to get past many of my fears. Most recently I was sad about a job I didn't get. I told her I knew the truth of God's word, I just had to keep reminding myself. She said, "Don’t worry, I'll help you remember." Later on that day I had a text from her "Trust an unknown future to a known God. Love ya." I have constantly come back to these words in the past few months. I know she prayed for me and many others, and we miss those prayers so much!

She loved her students, whether she saw them often or not. I was in and out of GA over the years since high school, but she never treated me with any less love during those times I wasn't able to, or just didn't , stay in touch like I should have. She was often going to visit friends or former students just to see them and talk.

Dawn knew how to love people in small ways. She was always making some sort of connection with friends, family and students. If you had an interesting or funny experience with her, she would remember and bring it up years later. Just ask my brother Will about the spider. Since I was her teacher's aide and accompanist, I was in her classroom a lot. During a music class, I would sit off to the side and observe until she needed a pianist, so sometimes I'd have a book with me while I waited. Once apparently she slipped this note in my book while I wasn't looking: "What are you looking at? You can't read!" I found it in the middle of math class after I'd finished my work. This is another habit/tradition I learned from her. Something very simple to show love. It became a game to leave random notes in random places. I think I succeeded at least once to slip something into a song she was directing =) She would often email, text or leave a note- "Have a crummy/rotten day" which I knew meant the exact opposite. I have lost count how many times I heard the phrase "You're fired" (I was never hired =P ) often after I apologized for something I'd messed up. I always knew though, that she meant the opposite. These are small practical ways to show love to others that I attempt to use every chance I get.

I’ve thought about this a lot, and if you take away every part of me she impacted, I don't think there'd be much left. Her legacy will live on in the multitudes of people she influenced. I miss my friend so much. I’ve lost count of how many times over the past few weeks as I've thought about all of these memories that I've momentarily wanted to pick up my phone and text her to say "remember when...." before I realize (as a side note I’m glad I ignored her when she told me to throw out the old emails because “no telling what I said!”). I take comfort, though, in Pastor Regier's words that she is not regretting her new neighborhood, and that when she got to heaven she wasn't greeted with "you're early!" Also, she's not frustrated with her uncooperative voice any more (it hasn't been what it used to be recently) And as my dad said, she didn't cease to exist-she had a change of address.

Something else that has been a help to me are these words she wrote when I graduated from high school: “[God] has a plan for each of us, and most times the lamp shines in our path to reveal only one step at a time.” 

This was taken at my high school graduation in May 2001.

At my sister's graduation May 2014 (our last picture together)

I also think about how she's enjoying that heavenly music she was so looking forward to. Years ago, in Katie Thackrey's voice lesson, Katie was singing Gesu Bambino, Dawn was playing the violin, and I was at the piano. When we finished, Dawn was so excited about how beautiful it sounded and said this: "It's so beautiful sometimes I can't stand it, and the music is going to be so much better in heaven. I can't fathom it, I can't imagine it, I can't wait!”

God used Dawn in my life in so many ways. I’m extremely grateful, and now I’m the one who can’t wait!